My Recovery Journey
About me
My Name is Meeta. I am from Tamil Nadu India, I am 21 years old and a student of Biotechnology. I have been suffering from OCD for the past 2-3 years. Initially I didn’t know I had OCD, I was going through a very tough phase before joining the Emotion of life platform. I had suicidal ideation and also attempted suicide. considered my life to be hopeless, My family was very disturbed due to my ill health. I wasn’t sure if I could achieve anything in life. My physical and mental health was disrupted and I didn’t understand what the problem was. I had panic attacks many times and wasn’t sure what to do. I was scared of almost all the objects like the sofa, chair ,bed, toilet, bathroom etc.in my home. I wasn’t able to brush everyday, I also couldn’t shower and evacuate like everybody else (once every 5 to 7 days for shower and evacuation once every 2-3 days. I was very scared of others' feet and got anxious if somebody’s feet came in contact with me. I wasn’t able to use public restrooms, I was scared of what might happen to me at any given moment, I also needed reassurance that I could go to the hospital if an emergency occurred. I kept complaining that I had a body ache and headache everyday. Despite not doing anything productive, I troubled my loved ones. Even the most fundamental aspects of life like eating,drinking water became painful. I was over-cautious and was terrified of going outside. I utilized large amounts of dettol to the point it started to hurt my skin. Throwing waste papers,used pens etc. started to give me anxiety. I was scared of certain areas in my home and I had to verify multiple times if I came into contact with them. I didn’t allow anybody to enter my room and was scared of doorknobs. I couldn’t maintain basic hygiene in the room or the washroom. I used large amounts of soaps and shampoo to the point it was affecting my hair and skin. I was scared of the opposite gender,exams and other things that seem normal to everyone else. I couldn’t walk barefoot and was scared to pick up any object that fell on the ground.
My Journey with Shyam Sir in Emotion of life:
When I first spoke to Shyam sir,I was very nervous thinking I would be judged for my issues.However,once I started to speak to sir,I came to know he was approachable and caring.I assumed my issues were very complicated and couldn’t be solved.He then explained that even the worst case of OCD can be solved with commitment and discipline. He shared the success stories of people from various backgrounds which made me understand that the only thing that needs to change is the mindset.I became very motivated when I heard the success stories of others.I came to understand the factors that resulted in OCD.I didn’t really understand how the tasks sir gave were related to my issues.However,I realized that doing the tasks helped me recover and that every task sir assigned has a strong reason.I was fascinated when I came to know that sir customizes the journey as per the client’s requirement. The respect and admiration I had for sir just kept increasing. Sir arranged meetings with recovered clients and I started to become more hopeful about my life.The point of clients approaching sir is to get their OCD treated. However, I observed that sir works on improving the personality traits that are required to achieve the desired lifestyle. This strategy of sir helped me become a mentally stronger person.
Initial days,
It took time for me to accept that my practices were incorrect and disruptive to my loved ones. I was in absolute denial.I was very upset when sir told me the practises needed to change in order to have a better life.I wasn’t sure if changing my practises would help in making progress in life.I thought that sir is the one who needs to put efforts for my recovery.I also believed that there wasn’t much I could do about the recovery.I later on realized that more participation results in faster recovery.I was attending the sessions regularly in spite of anxiety.It is also important to be regular to sessions even if it feels tough to accept the reality. At some points, I was really upset about my life because of the disruption caused by OCD.
Start of journey
The start of the journey wasn’t as smooth as I expected. I vented it out to sir that it was getting tough for me to keep going.Sir took the time and energy to explain that recovery isn’t as easy as it looks.The importance sir gives to the caregiver is the unique aspect of the recovery process. The journey wasn’t mine alone,it was of my loved ones as well. I felt upset when my parents were giving inputs about my behavior to Shyam sir. I felt like there wasn’t anything to me except for OCD. I felt victimized. At that point, I couldn’t realize the fact that OCD forms a barrier between you and your loved ones. I was very hurt when sir gave the solutions to each of my issues. I thought I was being blamed for something I didn’t do. It is crucial to be transparent to sir in all aspects.
My struggle with Shyam Sir
Sir was tough on me at times. Sir explained the harsh reality that comes as a result of OCD. I felt like I was disappointing sir when I couldn’t finish an assigned task. I questioned myself if it was right for Shyam sir to spend so much time and energy into my recovery. I had moments of utter disappointment where I just couldn’t take it anymore. Sir’s constant support helped me get through it all. The amount of commitment sir has towards his passion is amazing. Everytime I texted or called sir, he helped me deal with my anxiety. Sometimes, I felt like the anxiety that resulted from OCD was consuming me from within. However, I was confident that sir would take care of it all.
Visit to Shyam Sir home in Agra
I visited Shyam Sir’s home in Agra. The amount of support I got there was unbelievable. Initially, it felt difficult to adjust because of OCD contamination. I was very anxious and wanted to return to my home immediately. I was very upset and didn’t know what my next step should be. It wasn’t easy for me to get used to it. At every point, Pratibbha ma’am was with me to help me get through the issues I faced in regard to OCD contamination. The most useful aspect of the residential program is that the client is under guidance 24 hours a day. It helps in working on tasks that the client might not have identified during the online sessions. For contamination, residential programs are very useful. Sir assigned tasks and analyzed the triggers for anxiety. I was anxious during the first few days of my stay. However, I got used to it with sir’s guidance.Sir received continuous updates about my well-being, so my parents didn’t have much to worry about. I learnt that life isn’t only about studying. There are many life skills one needs to learn to lead a happy and healthy life. The time I spent with sir was special to me on a personal level as well.
Trip to kasauli sponsor by Shyam Sir my Experience during journey
I traveled to Kasauli along with sir. That was the first time I went to a hill station. During my travel, there were many triggers that caused anxiety.During each trigger, sir observed and analytically developed solutions to be included in the recovery journey. I could spend time with sir sharing concerns about OCD. The time I spent discussing with sir was priceless.
So far what I learn about OCD
Having OCD is not the client’s fault.It is only a diagnosis and one shouldn't be scared of it.Emotional self-abuse isn’t helpful in any way.It is also possible for self-hatred to cause more compulsions. OCD is just a medical condition,one should not let it consume one’s life. There will be cases where it becomes nearly impossible to resist the urge to do compulsions. It is necessary that the client must stay strong and follow sir’s instructions. Hesitation while sharing one’s issues with sir is to be avoided at all costs.
So far what I could manage in my contamination OCD and my day to day behavior and action
I am able to live a productive life after working on my OCD. Now,I am able to brush and shower without much stress. I am also able to use public toilets. I am able to walk barefoot. I am able to participate in household chores like mopping,washing dishes etc. without much fear. I want to make my life worthy and not take my life just because of OCD. There are many aspects in life that deserve more time and attention when compared with OCD. I am able to spend time with my family without the fear of contamination. All the household items like sofa, chair, toilet, washroom I considered to be dangerous are just objects and nothing else. I wouldn’t care if anybody’s feet accidentally touched me. If there is any emergency,I’m just going to deal with it. I became healthier and more active. I stopped using dettol altogether and my skin is healthy. I go outside to get groceries, medicines etc. Now the floor is something that is needed to walk and not a cause of anxiety. Soap and shampoo are only for cleaning ourselves and one shouldn’t give much thought to it.
About Shyam sir
Sir is an incredible person and mentor. I could understand the motivation he has to cure OCD and help people live a normal life. His commitment towards his work is inspiring to everyone. The empathy he has towards his clients is comforting to them. He focuses on even the smallest triggers.The fact that he has a personalized plan for each of his clients helps clients feel confident about their recovery. Sir gives counseling even for the toughest times of the journey.
Most crucial player in my life my mom, her tireless commitment for my well being
My mom is the caregiver in my journey. She went through some tough challenges to help me recover. I am more than grateful for having her as my mum. She was with me throughout my happy, sad and angry moments. She supported me during my moments of anxiety. She works very hard to keep us happy and healthy. My mom is incredible.
My conclusion on my journey so far:
It is important to be involved in the journey as much as possible. The journey requires efforts from the therapist, client and family members. It is crucial to stay motivated throughout to avoid unwanted relapses. Complete transparency about thoughts and compulsions is required for the therapist to understand the needs of the client better. The involvement of family members should be present so as to support the client. Utmost patience is required in order to finish the journey successfully.
My recommendation who are living in silence struggling with OCD instead of addressing their OCD issue:
It is true that mental health issues are not given due importance. However, it is necessary to address them. Just because mental health issues are not understood by the family members, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist. In the case of OCD, medication has little effect. Therapy is the best way to get rid of it. Staying in silence will only ruin the life of the client. The more it is delayed and avoided, the more negative impact it will create. While that is true, it is important to understand that it is never too late to address your OCD issue.
My recommendation about Emotion of life system as service provider for OCD Management and about my Therapist:
OCD management is only possible under the right guidance. Emotion of Life platform makes the client understand the factors causing OCD. This will help the client to act accordingly. Emotion of life system helps in tracking the client’s progress, which motivates the client. The inclusion of a caregiver in the recovery journey helps in the well-being of the client. Shyam sir’s tireless efforts towards the recovery of the client is exceptional.
My recommendation for parents whose children is suffering with OCD & how parents can support children during their struggle of journey:
It is natural for parents to worry about the well-being of their children. However, it is crucial to stay strong and work with your child throughout the journey. While it is not easy to empathize with your child, understand that they are going through something painful. Try your best to not judge them about their thoughts or actions even if they seem unusual. OCD is definitely treatable under the right guidance.OCD can be cured by interrupting the thought process and working on one’s passion.Staying with your child during their painful phases will help them understand that they aren’t alone in the journey. It might be difficult for your child to accept that there is an issue with them, tell them you love them regardless.
My recovery on my primary issue of Chronic contamination OCD:
Based on personal experience as contamination OCD sufferer out of 100 % contamination OCD issue after 5 months I belive I have recovered 99 % and on with my therapist and emotion of life.
Socio- Demographic Information
My name is Mamtha. I come from a family of 5 that includes my parents and my two older sisters. My family is decently well-to-do and have our income based on a family business. While my older siblings are interested in pursuing our family business, I wanted to follow the footsteps of my mother’s uncle and become a history professor. I have graduated from my masters of arts in history and am currently looking for a teaching position.
Identification of symptoms by client and family
I have always been a very timid child. The situation around me and the pampering I received as a child only secured that characteristic. Due to the circumstances around, I developed a few symptoms of OCD when I was around 10, and we didn’t notice it at the time. As I grew, so did my symptoms. They started to affect the way I live my life.. Some of the symptoms that I carried were excessive hand washing, checking-rechecking, obsessively keeping track of contact with contamination, intrusive thoughts that showed outside as excessive worry and certain other compulsive behaviors.
Treatment history
When I was in college I consulted a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with OCD. I was immediately put under medication and was under medication for around a year or so. During the time I was under medication, my OCD symptoms declined and once they were under control the medications we stopped. But whenever I encountered a stressful situation, my OCD symptoms came back stronger. I consulted with a few psychologists and even an ayurvedic medicine doctor but it was all in vain.
Efforts to find treatment
While I was in the period of applying for jobs, the pandemic hit and escalated my OCD to a point where my entire day’s routine revolved around it. I was barely able to get decent sleep and have three meals in a day. I was in no shape to start my professional life and was in desperate need of help. Until now, we had been reaching out to doctors through reference but my parents and I resorted to an online search for help.
One of the first suggestions was Emotion of Life and we went ahead and called immediately after visiting their website.
Taking decision to go ahead with EOL & Initiation
When I was going through the website, I found a ton of information about my condition. The course of treatment and the cost was also clearly mentioned. This abundance of information and the transparency is what gave my initial trust on the platform. After I spoke to Shyam sir (who runs the platform), I was convinced of his expertise and decided to go ahead with him after thoroughly thinking it through.
Process explain
After having gone through a lot of doctors, I did not allow myself to get my hopes up immediately. I was a bit skeptical at the start. Slowly and steadily my trust grew as I realized the thorough and holistic approach of the treatment where I was being educated about my condition and the history that caused the symptoms were also being addressed.
The journey was its own set of challenges that escalated once I found a job opportunity I couldn’t pass up. But Shyam sir gave me the encouragement to take it up as I was showing promising results. But soon it became very challenging to maintain the commitment to recovery and balance work life along with everyday activities. The challenges came in the form of scheduling conflicts as well. I tried many solutions and realized balancing both would only be possible when the priority to recover is a bit more compared to the others. Once it was realized and implemented, the results were consistent and fast.
During both the phases of the journey, my trust on the process and sir and his trust on me never faded. There was understanding and flexibility offered on both sides.
My issues
At the time I joined EOL, I was battling four different kinds of OCD; contamination, religious, checking-rechecking and intrusive thoughts. The symptoms of these began when I was around 10 years old. At that time, it did not affect my ability to function normally and do everyday tasks so we did not pay much attention to it. As I grew, the symptoms grew with me and I was barely able to take care of my basic needs. Additionally I was fighting the tendency to self-harm as well.
About sessions Shyam, Aisha, Asim,
I not only had sessions with Shyam Sir, who is the head Psychologist, but also with Aisha mam ,a wellness coach and Dr. Asim who is a volunteer helping people by giving scientific facts about the body and cleanliness.
Session with Aisha mam was very helpful in my recovery from Religious OCD and had a strong impact on my positive thinking ability. This change was very helpful for me to come out of other form of OCD that I had and my life in general. The Sessions with her were very philosophical and helped me become optimistic and positive.
In addition, once in a while I was put in touch with Dr. Asim who gave medical proof for why I need to change certain ways of doing things. For example, he explained the duration of handwash required and the medical reasoning why that was more than sufficient, explained what excessive hand washing can do to your skin and so on. This had a very significant impact on changing my beliefs and helped profoundly with my recovery as well.
Majority of my sessions were with Shyam sir. Our time together was always engaging from start to finish. It took me a while to see that everything he says and does always has important relevance to my recovery even when it didn’t seem like it at the time. He has been very thorough in the treatment and very open as well. I have never felt the need to hide anything from him because I knew I would never be judged. This openness from both sides, especially from my doctor, is what built my trust in him and the process. He has never lost hope even during the most difficult phases which helped me never give up as well.
Journey related with task and assignment
Every task and assignment given, however trivial it seems, has an important purpose related to the journey of recovery. I have been asked to maintain different kinds of logs throughout my time with EOL and doing that has helped me keep track of my symptoms and eventually see improvement as well. I was asked to read a lot of material regarding OCD, procrastination and sleep hygiene to help understand the reason behind what I am doing. Once I understood why I was doing what I was doing, it was relatively easier to change my behaviors. I was even asked to randomly wash my hands and only for 30 seconds to combat the inhibition I had towards washing hands.
All the tasks and assignments were very challenging, including reading the materials as that made me face what I was doing at the time. As much as I avoided them initially I was delaying my recovery. This caused a lot of strain in the journey but once I accepted that I had to face my fears in order to overcome them I started doing all the tasks. Though it was hard and uncomfortable at the beginning, being consistent helped show results. Once I saw the results I was motivated to try harder, improve more and recover fully faster. Consistency was important in seeing results.
Home based exposure
Every measure was taken to ensure my recovery, including a visit to my home by Shyam Sir. This was the turning point in my journey. I had nowhere to hide or run. I was put on the spot to do exactly what was told, to do how it was told to be done right then and there. As difficult as this process was, the results were equally drastic, as in, my recovery process catapulted. Observing me at home gave sir the chance to see how I am in my natural environment and also helped me cope with the tough nature of this treatment better.
Where and when I failed and then how I collected the courage
I failed every time I did not prioritize my recovery by at least a margin over other things in life. I failed at my job, managing my personal life and my recovery. Over half my journey I saw that only if I get out of OCD first will I be able to live my life properly. Otherwise there was no point to doing anything be it job or anything else because I wouldn’t have been able to manage anything else without getting out this completely first.
No matter how many times I wanted to give up, the urge to recover was always stronger to keep going. But that wasn’t enough on its own, the right kind of support from parents and a lot of push from sir is what actually helped me implement my thoughts of wanting to recover into actions.
My therapist:
Shyam sir has been incredible throughout the process, so has his team. There has been some rough patches but everything was always with the best interest at heart. I have seen that he would go to any lengths to help his clients recover from OCD.
What is the status now, what I am looking for.
I have almost reached the end of my journey of recovery with just a few more challenges to overcome. These challenges that seemed like big boulders when I started, look like rocks now. I am eager to push through and get over these barriers and live a happy and healthy life that I am capable of living. I want to give my body and mind the respect and care it deserves. Most importantly, I am looking to never have this back in my life ever again and helping others who are starting their road to recovery by sharing my story.
Message/ recommendation for parents, mental health professionals, EOL systems, others:
As much as this journey is between the therapist and the client, the support system plays an important role in making recovery possible and quicker. It is important for not only the client taking the treatment to follow the recommendations of the therapist but also the family.
Concluding remarks on your own journey of recovery process
This has been a long journey with a lot of ups and downs but the goal is almost achieved after all the months of time and effort. There were a lot of things to unlearn and a lot of things to adapt to. It has been astonishing how much a change in thought process can both delay and escalate my recovery process. I am putting my entire efforts on the latter and hope to reach my destination of freedom from OCD soon.
Now I have recoveered from my all OCD related aspect upto 99 and I am free from my OCD long bettel of 14 years. also living my life and working..
About me:
My name is Ravi sharma, age is 27 years old and currently living in mumbai maharashtra. I am a manager by profession at a MNC. I was diagnosed with OCD 8 years back in my college days and was suffering through various kinds of OCD like religious based, sexual based, dealing with people , superstitious and many more. I always used to remain in consistent loops of thoughts that made me highly regretful and unhappy in my 8 years of my life. Everyday that I lived was in excruciating pain,I met several psychologists in my journey but never got satisfied with their answers although their thoughts gave me temporary relief but cure is what me and my family was looking for.
My Journey with Shyam Sir in Emotion of life:
After a long struggle of fighting with OCD that went all in vain, finally my father got to know about Shyam sir, who has been a specialist in OCD management for such a long time. My journey with sir, started with certain ups and downs as usually happens with every OCD client, but after a certain period of time I started understanding sir and what he was trying to convey to me in a very holistic approach towards life. I understood that Shyam sir took every measure to connect with me personally and treat me as his son and hence I never felt as if I was talking to any psychologists but a family member of mine, ,moreover sir even called me at his home also. We talked on every topic of my OCD right from a silly question to the ones I feared the most. After taking sessions with sir and staying with him most of my crucial thoughts started vanishing away, and they never came back to me ever, and furthermore not only did I learn how to deal with those OCD thoughts but also several other life concepts where I was lacking. After having so many sessions one thing was clear to me that OCD is not any mental issues but simply a perception problem. Currently, we need to talk about certain other aspects as my journey has not yet completed and I am 100 % assured that I will be cured after some time. Lastly, Sir assured me that he always stays with his client life long and hence he never leaves you, that is the commitment we get from sir and not from any other psychologist.
Initial days,
In my Initial days, I was all totally in denial mode and always felt that I had completely cured my OCD, I was not at all listening to Shyam sir and was just in a mode to tell everything to him. I was not able to make that amount of trust on sir, as I had met with other psychologist because sir never talks to us as if he is a psychologist, but as time passed may be after 3 weeks or so, I started understanding that a real psychologist is someone who never let his client feel that the client is talking to any psychologist and hence afterwards I started listening to sir in a very thorough manner and cleared most of my thoughts within first 2 weeks.
Start of journey
In my earlier phase of journeys, I was not the only one that was being cured but also my parents as Shyam sir believes that OCD requires a holistic approach and it required the involvement of all your near and dears, having said so for 2 weeks sir addressed me on laptop but afterwards he called me at his home and then the real story began as I started observing how I was living my life and how I should be living, Shyam sir involved me in most activities and that's a different way that I might not be able to explain but I can just say that after that my approach of looking at OCD changed.
My struggle with Shyam Sir
Usually the struggle is how a client perceives Shyam sir and his way of dealing, on a short term it feels like that whatever sir is trying to do or trying to tell us is not being beneficial for us at all like he may try to talk manipulatively or try to create certain scenarios that would not align with what we want as a client and hence we try to get rid of it and try to seek the easy path , but we need to understand that whatever is being done is simply to let us know that, that's how life happens on a day to day basis and we don't have to play with OCD everytime. With me in the initial days, I felt the same issues were there but somewhere in the nook and corner of my mind I was understanding that sir was trying to make us aware that it was not OCD but general perceptions that hampers our life. In my case, my parents were told certain aspects that they had to follow thoroughly as I was in denial mode and then sir told me to do certain tasks, which in later stages changed my whole life.
Visit to Shyam Sir home in Agra
For me visiting Shyam sir home was the game changing aspect of the journey, this is the very moment where first I was in awe that how could anyone be so devoted and dedicated to cure his client although I was on the denial mode but one thing was very much clear that only Shyam sir could heal me from inside and nobody else. As and when I reached home, I definitely observed Shyam sir and without even trying to force myself and just by observing I started changing my way of working, like how fast Shyam sir works and he showed me the value of each minute in his life as he hardly had any time to perform household chores, usually he used to do all these chores whenever he got a break or in between sessions and within half and hour he used to sort out all his other tasks. I learned how he dealt with his children and felt that this was the only way to make children bold and responsible , which most parents hardly do. Moreover, me and sir definitely talked about several issues and whatever thought came in my mind in a very practical manner, those cleared my doubts and then I came back home.
Trip to kasauli sponsor by Shyam Sir my Experience during journey
This was my second time when I was meeting Shyam sir and it was very heart touching experience , although now I was mostly cured, I was happy and deep down , started to see sir from a different perspective unlike I was seeing him in those 5 days when I stayed with him, had 100% confidence that sir will cure me and was from a mindset that I will tell him whatever I can in between that trip thoroughly. All the thoughts that I asked were totally cured then and there. We definitely enjoyed the Kasoli trip and it definitely changed my view because I was under the guidance of sir. That was the time when I discussed upon my memory thoughts which used to pop up in my mind all of a sudden and I was happy with it that the cure was that I was giving value to it.
So far what I learn about OCD
In this journey with Shyam sir, I have learnt that OCD is nothing but a simple issue that arises only and only when we don't know how to deal with our day to day scenario, in simpler words I mean to say that we don't know Life management skills. There are aspects of life that if not talked about will lead to severe anxiety issues and then if not addressed will start giving us false intrusive thoughts. I have learnt that OCD can only be cured from a holistic approach towards life that requires a thorough intervention of your Psychologists and your near and dear ones. Learning and practicing how others are living and doing certain things is the only way out of OCD as these beliefs have been with us for so long , they will go away in a short span of time just by taking the right approach for a problem. I feel that the OCD has to be talked about in the deepest thoughts of your mind.
So far what I could manage in my contamination OCD and my day to day behavior and action
I didn't have contamination OCD as my concepts were clear about contaminations, my issue was thoroughly Intrusive, I believe that whatever I have been talked about on my perceptions they are cured 80% and henceforth I am able to manage all of my thoughts very well , well in certain aspects I dont even get a single obsessive intrusive thought. I believe I have turned upside down, from a person who avoided all responsibilities of life, to somebody who takes all his major decisions in life , performing all his household chores , having importance of each and every penny, and the moment we are living in.
About Shyam sir
Shyam sir is not just any ordinary psychologist, he is way more than that. He is the most honest person, who will tell you everything bluntly and clearly and will not do anything like other psychologists do to please you and talk to you in a manner you want, he will not even listen to your unnecessary chatter about OCD, forget about pleasing you. He is the only psychologist in the entire globe that will seriously never judge you and indirectly make you feel as if you are a mental patient. He knows what he is doing and for him you are a family member, as he connects with you and it feels as if you have been with him for years. This is all because of his down to earth nature. Lastly, I would just like to say one thing that I learned from Shyam sir and that is if you really want to make a difference between who is a good psychologist and who is being professional just simply remember that a psychologist will never let you know that he is doing anything like CBT or ERP, he will just talk to you normally and you are cured. I genuinely thank God for making Shyam sir my teacher in understanding life from a totally different point of view.
Most crucial player in my life my father, his tireless commitment for my well being
My father has devoted his whole life for his both sons and I feel really very blessed to have such a great father. My father has been a really understanding person, he has always discussed everything with me on every point of view be it girls or anything you name it. He always tried to show me the right way and most importantly tried to understand my feelings that I genuinely wanted. Many of my friends also say this to me that your parents are so nice. In this journey , my father was a crucial aspect as he was the one who studied about OCD and found Shyam sir and then he talked with shyam sir, then he followed and is following everything from A to Z , whatever shyam sir told him without even saying a single word and this has really gave a boost to my journey of curing my OCD. I believe that I will always be indebted to him for doing so much for me. There are so many things that I would not be able to express in words but I just thank him in whatever ways I can.
I need to work on related with
By this time, all the major thoughts are cleared by Shyam sir, a little bit of interconnected thoughts which we haven't talked about, would like to talk with Shyam sir otherwise my OCD is finished. Moreover , Now I need to learn the way of living in life and need to talk on certain issues that I have already told sir.
My conclusion on my journey so far:
Lastly, my conclusion is to take this as a learning process and not any kind of treatment because you are learning the ways to live life.
My recommendation who are living in silence struggling with OCD instead of addressing their OCD issue:
Well here I would like to take the credit, and would like to appreciate myself, the thing is as I got to know about OCD after sometime I first accepted it and then I never felt ashamed in telling others ( family members ) about what kind of thoughts I was going through and asking for answers from them. I always shared my inner feelings to my parents and they definitely tried to answer it but it was not beneficial. I would also like to say that sharing with only the ones whom you trust can help you in this journey. After this my father searched for the best psychologist and took his help and after some time today I am not getting any intrusive thoughts.
My recommendation about Emotion of life system as service provider for OCD Management and about my Therapist:
After staying with sir and then seeing his devotion for his work, who am to even recommend anything to the Emotion of life system and who am I to recommend sir. I can just say that the emotion of life changed my life. It can also change yours.
My recommendation for parents whose children is suffering with OCD & how parents can support children during their struggle of journey:
I would like to say that parents are the most crucial part in a child's life. So, as a parent they must take OCD as seriously as they can , they must always try to understand their child and should not judge them for whatever compulsions they are doing, In most cases, the child would try to deny it and might not understand the gravity that as you take longer to cure it, it just simply grows exponentially. Parent must also try to learn about OCD and what it does to someone. Lastly, I would also like to say that as a parent we must search for the best psychologist be it Shyam sir or whosoever , and then thoroughly surrender to them and just follow your psychologist as it is and surely, I promise you your child will get cured.
Now I have recoveered from my all OCD related aspect upto 99.99% and I am in weekly follow up with Emotion of life and Shyam Sir also living my life comfortably. and working my IT sector.
Shalini:sharma I am a 32 years old science student from India. I live in a joint family.
How my OCD started:
I fell into the trap of OCD in August 2022. When sitting for work I took a set of data points, ran my models and codes on it, and drew a conclusion. But I had to check again and again and again. My mind felt like it was running at 100 miles an hour and I sat howling and crying at my work desk unable to understand what was happening with me having multiple panic attacks with neuropathy. This carried on for days till I decided to tell my psychotherapist in a foreign land and was given lorazepam tablets for my recurrent panic attacks and Escitalopram to increase the SSRI in my brain. Well the torture continued but the lorazepam managed to lessen the panic attack for soemtime. Given I was told people get addicted to lorazepam, I resisted taking them even amidst the 4-5 panic attacks just to have one less problem of addiction to deal with i addition to repeated checks, spending all day crying and refusing to believe anything would get better. Fast forward to somewhere in November, I was watching television with my boyfriend and all of a sudden felt like something inside of me separated from myself and started asking questions like ‘WHo is watching this tv? What inside of me is interpreting what I am seeing? Who is generating this thought of watching tv? How am I focussing on what is being said and seeing, what is happening in my brain from my ear and eyes’ input? Can I pay attention to what is happening in tv and what my bf is saying all at the same time? How do we pay attention? Who is it inside of me who is asking these questions? Is there another entity inside me who is doing all this, if so where is it located, in my heart, lungs brain? Is that a voice inside of me who is asking these questions, if yes, how am i hearing a voice inside of me when there is no input from my ears, what does this voice sound like? Why is no one else asking these questions? Am I becoming mad, are these the first signs of a clinically insane person?’ These questions kept following me throughout the day, there was not one moment when I could sit in peace, I would try to distract myself and run away from these but to no avail. The chain of questions continued, I stopped working on my thesis. As I would keep rechecking. Then my theme of questioning basic accepted scientific facts started. OCD impaired my work life, my passion for my subject. It seemed like the universe decided to play some dirty trick on me.
AFter living like this for 4 months in Germany I came back to India in search of better treatment options. On reaching here, I saw multiple psychiatrists who gave medicines which did not helpa s well as saw multiple psychologies. But of no avail. No one even mentioned what i had was OCD, till one psychologist at the end pointed this out. I tried ERP with a psychologist from Kolkata but it was not working out. Then from googling, i got to know about Emotion of Life.
My major concern and OCD theme:
My main areas are:
1. Need to know - bodily process, sensory perceptions, attention division and diversion, thought process, thinking itself, spiralling into questions about the whole ‘human’ phenomenon about feelings emotions.
This theme also spreads to areas of my work life, my subject physics. The theme is basically asking questions which no one ever has answers to. I feel if i don’t know then something wrong will happen, i won’t be able to catch myself having bad thoughts and spiral again. A paradoxical approach which never works but i have a hard time believing.
2 Just Right OCD- am i doing my therapy right? Am i enjoying right? Am i paying attention right? Is my brain working right?
3. Hyperawareness of sensations and thoughts - In order to be able to ‘catch’ my ocd, i became hyperaware of exactly what i was thinking feeling.
4.Perfectionism approach, sleeping issues.
5. Catastrophising the situation because of past trauma.
6. Suicidal ideation.
7. Thoughts of going mad.
Initial days with Shyam Sir:
My journey with Sir started on 10th MAY, 2023. I was askd to write my problem statements point by point, given several tests to assess my personality, scale of ocd, depression, anxiety etc which were very comprehensive and is important to take the journey forward.
On the first session itself, I felt a frankness from Sir’s side which made me comfortable that I would be able to discuss anything under the sun with him. I was also made to understand by Sir that how google about OCD made the problem worse as things were generically written and not catered to a specific person’s problem. He comprehensibly went through the whole process and idea about what OCD is and how it thrives. He described OCD as a ‘perception issue’ and that really clicked with me, because for the first time I genuinely felt after talking to him that if this is something I have learnt, then it is also something which can be undone. From Day 1, he treats you like a ‘normal’ person, when you have yourself begun to feel abnormal because of past experience. Through numerous examples of his other successful journeys and over the call interactions with previous clients and how they spoke post recovery, it gave some hope.
I was educated about Cognitive Distortions, how the OCD cycle keeps going on. Every point in my problem statement, sir went through with me discussing as much was needed. But I realised I was never being satisfied and doubted the answers sir gave to my ‘quesitons.’ Through this process as well i learnt how my mind tricked me to be agitated wen it did not get the ‘perfect’ answer (it doesn’e exist), it would ask 10 more questions for every answer sir and i discussed and never be satisfied. It’s called the doubting disorder for a reason i realised. I began to realise Sir’s approach of tackling the situation by making me realise these things as well as showing me how the world operates in real life. Sir does not put OCD or depression or any mental health ‘problem’ on a pedestal and that gives us strength to battle this.
Sir kept harping that the goal was to live and think like others. He repeatedly reminded that we can keep asking the questions and searching for exact answers, keep feeding our perfectionist egos but the real world does not function like that. In the end we are the ones who keep remaining stuck in inaction and the loss is ours. At the start this seems difficult to believe but over repeated repetitions, some sense started to percolate in me.
My first months experience: Two weeks into my journey, I suddenly felt one day weights being lifted off my chest and feeling a strange sense of joy, wanting to cook, had my appetite back. It had been years since I had felt like this. I realised it was because of a sense of acceptance had been instilled in me throught regular sessions with sir and a sense of relief that all the chains my mind was holding on to about several intrusive thoughts (discussed upto that point) were scaring me that i couldn’t function without them, but overtime I realised how false this perception was and that gave me a sense of freedom and relief.
Sir’s approach of purposeful, playful or serious triggering and teasing depending on the intensity of emotions on a particular day, was also helpful in letting me see my fears in a lighter way. It somewhat opened my eyes about the level to which I was misinterpreting a particular situation and thinking the worst consequences.
Sir can sometimes be a bit harsh and very direct in his word, which gets a while to get used to because of the sympathy one has been receiving from other psychologists. But one also realised, OCD needs tough love as you move forward in the journey with sir.
I continued to have ups and downs in my day to day, in the level of intrusive thoughts. Sometimes I completely would get consumed by them but i also realised that i was also gaining an understanding of how this disorder worked. One can say i started seeing glimpses of how it fooled me.
My gain in 2nd month completion:
Second month involved building more on what i learnt in the first month. Correctional approaches, day to day improvement sharing. For me, it was mostly seeing the truth behind what ocd showed me, working more and more on that.
But like any other recovery journey, growth is not linear and I fell into the trap of expecting it to be. When we eventually progressed with the points in my negative thought log, I started getting triggered by the points (already discuss and new) yet again and went into the rabbit hole of reading books, journals and anything I could find which would validate my age old method of doing science (an obsession of mine to be perfect in my job). Talking with Sir every day, again helped me to get out of the hole. And i realized this wasn’t going to be a one step jump for me. Sir also mentioned that this was expected in this journey which made me feel less disheartened.
Again it involved talking to sir daily, he instills some willpower in us. That it is upto us in the end if we want to give our lives to ocd or live like others. It’s in our hands. That the only was forward is course correction and not looking at the past, and how it does not help anything. He also discussed about many personality traits which were a contributing factor, how to tackle people in our surroundings who might be causing disturbances. Shyam Sir is a strong believer of the fact that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is a sign of foolishness. He matter of factly explains the fact that if we keep repeating the same thought patterns or bad sleep habits then the consequences will be what we are facing now or worse. So the ONLY was forward is to course correct our habits and actions. And it is also a process of acceptance that course correction does not happen in a few days.
When some days would go very and and i would be very depressed, sir would be available to call and talk even for a few minutes despite it not being the usual session time.
My experience during my stay in Agra with Shyam Sir and his family:
I was suggested by Sir to go in the residential programme in his house. I went and stayed there for 2 weeks with his family. They were very welcoming, i did not feel like i was not in my own house at all. Sir gives his very diligent attention and we got to talk almost throughout the day. His patience in dealing with me was surprising. Given my repeated pattern of reassurance seeking, talking of how old intrusive thoughts recurred and new ones came, we discussed the whole matter, acceptance, course correction over and over again. All the while having so much fun and laughter going for outings, and activities. Through the ups and downs all throughout the day sir is there to observe and discuss and reassess and do it all over again to forward this journey. Very minute details in personality to major ones were also addressed with giving an idea of how to reverse engineer to get better.
Through his own lifestyle, sir teached you flexibility, spontaneity, how to let go of stuff and how nothing in the world is worth our mental health’s cost. He embodies his philosophy, life is not for complication, in his daily life and one gets to learn several life skills from Sir and Pratibha mam. He takes you out for fun scooter rides around the city to enjoy snacks and have fun.
My overall learning so far on my OCD related issues:
What could I manage soi far and I am proud of that:
I need to work on these of issues:
Like trying to dig a grave to check if the body is buried properly or will it rise from the dead?
About my Therapist:
my perception of Shyam Gupta Sir-
‘Life is for happiness, to make ourselves happy.’ ‘We will keep things simple.’
My learning as key take home message related with my life need
1. Not to take this life lightly and waste it on useless things. Nautanki nahi karni hai life k sath.
2. All reasons I gave of previous failures of projects, were all defenses to justify my behaviour of need to know and perfectionism. Whatever happened in the past is not the concern. Changing it is the way.
3. For bad sleeping, waking up not relaxing, not going deep sleep are all because of how we have trained our body over the years to be this way. We have to reverse engineer, not get impatient if that takes time. 10 pm should be bedtime at any cost even if the world gets destroyed. You should have a sleeping time not a wake up time - body knwos when it is rested and wakes up.
4. Rest is NOT a choice, brain like all machines needs to rest, so we need to give it. Again train it. Productivity will get reduced - overwork.
5. AAA - Acknowledgement, Assessment, Acceptance. Whatever good and improvement that has been achieved in this journey or any other sphere of life has to be acknowledgeed, things like M&E reveal actual stats, assessment and accpetance gives the confidence that how much we overcame and makes us confident for the future. Holding on to old ebliefs that if i say soemthing good has happened will make something bad happen is only another way to hold myself back and keep victimising myself and remain afraid of the future.
6. I can keep thinking any thought I want but the world will not stop because of that, the logical approach to do something will not change because of that. I need to correct my thought process and make it more rational and aligned with my needs and purpose.
7. If a thought is 1. Not important to the immediate purpose of my life, my goal 2. If I won't die if I think this thought -then the thought is not worth spending time over. Irrelevant questions are OVERRULED. NOT to BUY any thought at the COST of our mental health!
8. If we ourselves don't believe we can get better then no god on heaven earth or anywhere else can help us recover back to our full potential. And if we have full trust, we WILL ACHIEVE IT. All youtube googling of OCD is not curable, if we belive then truly we won't reach it. If not, nothing can stop me from getting the fulfilling life I want.
9. Satisfaction comes form giving sincere efforts in the process, and the purpose of life is anyway to do what is needed to make it easy. If we sincerely pursue food, shelter and clothes necessities then all aspects of satisfaction will be taken care of.
10. Management of mother - I have already seen the effects of implementing her ways of life in mine. If I repeat outcome will be same. I acknowledge her concern for me but doesn't mean I have to entertain her beliefs about myself and get impacted. Whatver she has taught me has been mostly a wrong approach to life, so why should I waste my time. She can say what she wants. I can't change her but I can change how I react to the scenario.
11. Work ethic or any other thing in life has to be done in a balanced manner, not keep doing till we faint on the floor and spoil our health, mind, everything. If we don't live only, then what is the point. 8+8+8 or 8+10+6 rule has to be followed.
12. Do what is required, delegate, seek feedback from others. More than doing something perfectly and wasting hours on it, it is important we focus on completion within the given framework.
13. To use CLARITY and COMMON SENSE in deciding how much I need to know on a subject to deal with the confusion. Address perceptive distortions again using the same principle.
14. If I correct everything or not, no one in the world will have any effect on their lives, only my existence depends on this process. If I am dead or alive only person affected is me, no one else.
15. Learn to take my issues a bit lightly, learn to joke a little to see the postivity of my improvements
16. Only choice to have unwavering faith in myself so that anyone says anything, i don't get affected at all. No one can play me like their own personal piano.
17. Thoughts are like rubber ball, more i'll push it, more it'll be back. Either check criteria of pt 7 and let it go or rationally deal with it.
18. Let go of the fact that a certain way to do something is right other is wrong, no one told these things, I can change how I approach a problem. Just because people said be mindful while eating, I don't have to do it if it is a problem for me. ?? Discuss in aspect of triggers and entertainment and me time,
19. Have trust in God's plan. It was his plan that my phd turned out like that, i got tb, depression ocd, came to sir, came to agra, suicidal approach everything was his plan. I can take my efforts but outcomen I can't control, Have to live with that. (suicidal approach).
20. Not discount previous achievement and improvement when faced with current hard situation and get scared of new triggers and situations. Learn to self evaluate properly, have patience in the process.
21. ALLOW yourself to FAIL. Let OCD, Depression, Schizophrenia anything come, do suicide as well, panic attack. Nothing will change if we don't embrace this. Jo hoga dekha jayega attitude, lose your ego.
22. Conclude things - reach a decision. Letiing stuff linger makes you worried. So decide.
23. Only option is to have faith and put effort in the recovery process.
24. Rationalise, not have fear. (discuss anxiety with falling asleep).
25. Lack of knowledge does not mean we aare incomplete or defective or worthless. Focus on what you could achieve and not what couldn't be done. Change is the only constant. Life will change, theories will change. So make the best making forwards.
Now I have recoveered from my all OCD related aspect upto 98% and I am in follow up with Emotion of life and Shyam Sir also living my life comfortably.
Copyright © 2024 Emotion of Life - All Rights Reserved.
We use cookies to analyze website traffic and optimize your website experience. By accepting our use of cookies, your data will be aggregated with all other user data.